He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
