who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
