get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was born a porn star she said
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
