im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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