well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
