I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
