it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
