You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
