What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
