omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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