btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
