i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
