It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
