I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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