i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
