Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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