Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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