And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
