She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You're like the curious george of whores
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
