3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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