Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
