He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
