some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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