I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
