my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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