i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
