Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
