Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
