i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
