I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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