Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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