well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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