Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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