I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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