I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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