He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
