Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
