dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
