we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
