So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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