I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
