So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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