The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
