I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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