Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We need to get me chipped asap
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