Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
