I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
