Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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