tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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