Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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