Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
