I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
