so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
