I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
