i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
