Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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