so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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