I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
