I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
