im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
