So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
