apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
