I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
