So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
