I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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